There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
