Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
we made out on top of his cat.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
