I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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