ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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