we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
