Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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