I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
