he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
