This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
