Don't make out with my wife yet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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