i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
