Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
