i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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