I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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