Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
