i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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