This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
