first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
