She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
