living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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