he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
