Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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