Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
