Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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