In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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