you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
