Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I FOUND THE LEGS
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
