in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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