One girl and one boy is just not enough.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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