bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Help. Why am I so naked?
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