So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
