Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
