this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize