Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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