Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
