My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
