If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Someone shattered a urinal.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize