dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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