I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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