he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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