I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
