I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
