A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
