What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
false alarm. still invincible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize