Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
