Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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