She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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