If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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