Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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