Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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