Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
