I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
