i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
