I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
