I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
