He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
