I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
