I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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