Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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