omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
