he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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