Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
A+ Viking dick
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
