who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
