Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
