he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
