hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
